Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
