On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
