from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
