Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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