did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
