the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
