i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
