I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i think im in europe. pls send help
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
