she is the kim kardashian of front butts
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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