Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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