When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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