hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
