watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The air taste purple.
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