Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
