i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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