Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
