I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
two words...techno handjob
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
