we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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