Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
