My friends, they love my intelligence
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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