Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
