The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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