You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize