One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize