it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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