We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
