He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
