You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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