Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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