a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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