maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
