Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
