I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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