I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
