white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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