Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
