he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
