yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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