I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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