Say something about gay babies.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
