Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FUCK WHALES
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