my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
