4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
