She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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