Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
