We won't sleep together?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
