i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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