Only a mothe r could love this liver
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
