If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
