Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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