i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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