Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
