hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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