He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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