they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
