We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize