Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Every concussion has its silver lining
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize