I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
