If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
