I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
