if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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