He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
