is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
