a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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