The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize