i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
