I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize