could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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